Hamish:
Dougie, I have to meow, it's an outrage, total outrage. 

Dougal:
It certainly is Hamish.  Go on, tell our readers about it.  I'm sure that they'll be outraged too.

                              

Hamish:
Well, it was a dark and stormy night...

Dougal:
Hamish, really!  Meow it properly, please.

Hamish:
OK, I just thought I'd build up the tension.  It all started last week after Mom and Dad had been shopping.  They bought a robotic hoover.  I meow you, what on earth possessed them?  No consultation, no discussion - just brought him home.

Dougal:
I think a Lidl special offer possessed them.  Anyway, I'm with you Hamish.  That thing they plug into the wall and push around is scary enough.

Hamish:
Indeed bro.  They named the robot thingy Freddie and, to be fair, it was all fine until....the incident.

Dougal:
Just a minute, shouldn't we explain why he's called Freddie first?  It's after Freddie Mercury because of that music video where Mr. Mercury is hoovering to the music.  You remember - 
♫...I want to break free...♫.  You purr it and I'll meow it.

Hamish:
Well yes but don't forget Dougie - and people should know - he's also named after our friend Mr. Fred the Tortoise.  I heard them meow that Freddie the Hoover is the same shape as him.  As well as that, he goes round in circles and bumps into things just like Mr. Fred. 

Dougal:
That's so rude.  I'm going to suggest that Mr. Fred takes legal advice - it's slander or maybe it's libel.  One or the other or maybe both.

Hamish:
Bro, are we sure Freddie is a he?  Think about it.  He actually does housework.

Dougal:
I'd steer clear of that particular meow if I were you Hamish.

Hamish:
Hmm, probably wise.  Anyway, back to the story.  I was relaxing on my bed in the lounge by the radiator, pondering and purring, and Fred was hoovering.  

Dougal:
What were you pondering and purring about?

Hamish:
Is that even relevant?

Dougal:
No idea.  Carry on.  Do you want those crispies?

Hamish:
For heavens sake.  Getting back to the incident.  I was mildly irritated by Freddie's constant humming but all was well.  And then, suddenly, no warning, he rushed towards me, mounted my bed, pushed past me and got stuck under the radiator cover.  To be frank, I was completely traumatised.  

I had to have treats to calm down.

Dougal:
Dreadful.  By the way, who's that frank you were being? 

Hamish:
If only you could choose your relatives....

Dougal:
What?  Did you know that I got treats too in case I was upset at seeing you upset?  So not all bad.

Hamish:
Well thank you Dougie.  By the way, what are we doing out here in the rain?



Dougal:
It's because Freddie's gone rougue and he's blocking the cat flap.......help!